Before the "I Do"...Heck before the "Yes"

We have all heard of pre-marital counseling, but I'm here to promote pre-engagement counseling. When you and your partner are starting to talk about marriage and maybe kids (or perhaps a few fur babies)...talk about couples therapy.

New love is beautiful and exciting. It is a warm feeling to look at someone and know this is my forever person, the one I will experience life with. Which can cause us to avoid discussions we feel may disrupt or worse ruin the beautiful vision we worked for and waited for.

Many of us have been there, where we notice things about our partner but decide to just walk around it versus addressing it. The things that make us mentally pause for a second, but we soften it and move on. The times where the one we love may drink/smoke more than we would would like...."but outside of that they're great and they have a difficult career". or it seems they are struggling a lot with budgeting..."but we all have money issues from time to time, we can support each other". or when we argue we never really resolve anything and I feel I always end up apologizing..."but we don't argue that much so..."

We all come into a relationship with various childhood - adult experiences that impact us in someway. I don't mean solely trauma related stuff, but family cultures, values, coping skills we absorbed growing up...albeit toxic or healthy. When we decide to share a life with someone, its important to be conscious and mindful of these things. Talk about:

• FINANCES

• MENTAL HEALTH

• CHILDREN

• SPIRITUALITY

• VALUES & TRADITION

• INTIMACY

Reasons why its beneficial to work through the above with a therapist:

• Prevents vague discussions: When you say 'We're both on the same page about finances and goals" but can't answer questions such as what are your thoughts on roles and responsibilities in the house? do you know about each others debt? You both want kids, what are your thoughts on raising the children in regards to spirituality, discipline and education? ...you may want someone to help you navigate those questions in a healthy way.

• Provides tools for healthy disagreements: A therapist can give a perspective you both may be missing. They can help guide you through topics you seem to come to an impasse on. Or perhaps your hesitant to bring up something you feel your partner wont like and pushes them away. A therapist can help with guiding that communication.

• Helps create building blocks for a healthy foundation for marriage: Couples counseling is not just about addressing the negative stuff, its about looking at what your strengths are and how to nourish those elements.

I am 100% team pre-engagement couples counseling. The dating phase is about getting to know each other and that includes the big, the bad and the ugly (if applicable). Its an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. When you're engaged, we feel an internal pressure to commit to moving forward no matter. You don't have to have the exact answers to EVERYTHING before marriage but you should both be aware of how you feel about the topics above before you get married.

If you want marriage...You deserve a healthy loving marriage.

Marriage can be challenging at times but when you invest in strengthening your relationship before saying "Yes" , it makes those challenges so much easier to work through.